also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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