i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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