My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
