TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
