when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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