I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
