oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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