How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
