I'm lost and stupid without you.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Randomize
