She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
