i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
