I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
