Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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