but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Never underestimate the power of titties
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
