she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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