I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
