what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
