Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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