Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Your dad touched me again.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
