I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Drunk is not a location!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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