I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
