Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
