I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
