Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
