I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
