how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
