I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
