I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
