I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
