next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize