I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
