grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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