only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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