Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
