I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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