Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
