She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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