is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
