If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
