She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
