I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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