i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
