She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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