I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
