my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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