Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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