dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
