Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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