All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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