ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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