my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
