I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize