New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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