Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
