SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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