this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
