how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This is classic penis vs brain.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
