Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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