Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
