"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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