I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
